Mermaids (1990)
Cher: Mrs. Flax
Photos
Quotes
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Rachel Flax : Charlotte, I know you're planning a celibate life, but with half my chromosomes, I think that might be tough.
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Rachel Flax : [to Charlotte as she goes out to spend time with Joe] Don't do anything I wouldn't do...
[pause]
Rachel Flax : Or don't do anything I would!
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Charlotte Flax : I want to stay!
Rachel Flax : And do what?
Charlotte Flax : Finish high school!
Rachel Flax : Great start! What's your major, town tramp?
Charlotte Flax : No, Mom, the town already has one.
[Rachel slaps her]
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Rachel Flax : Alright, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You stop being a little bitch for, let's say, oh, I don't know, an hour or two, and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week. Deal?
Charlotte Flax : Deal!
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[Charlotte is praying at a shrine she has made in her room to the Virgin Mary]
Rachel Flax : Charlotte, we're Jewish.
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Lou Landsky : If you care about us, would it kill you to show it?
Rachel Flax : "Us"? When did YOU and *my* children become "us"? You're just YOU, Lou - me and the girls, THAT'S "us"!
Lou Landsky : I was talking about you and me.
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Rachel Flax : Death is dwelling on the past or staying in one place too long!
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Lou Landsky : [Reacting to an odd smile from Rachel as they lay in bed together] What?
Rachel Flax : You're a sexy guy.
Lou Landsky : Do you have to sound surprised when you say that?
Rachel Flax : I *am* surprised.
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Rachel Flax : Ok, I've had a little scotch... I'm real calm.
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Rachel Flax : Who's that?
Charlotte Flax : That's Mr. Crane, my history teacher, and he is very nice.
Rachel Flax : *He* is an asshole.
Charlotte Flax : You haven't even spoken to him yet!
Rachel Flax : Charlotte, I don't need to speak to him. He's driving an Edsel, for Christ's sake.
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Rachel Flax : One thing you can rely on about your father: He can't be relied on.
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Kate Flax : When I die, I want to be sprinkled in the ocean. I don't care if a whale eats me. I could live inside a whale like Jonah with an angel guard.
Rachel Flax : Girls...
Charlotte Flax : Yeah, well, what if you get a whale that doesn't have a living room inside him and you end up in someone's tuna fish sandwich?
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Rachel Flax : I'm never growing old.
Lou Landsky : Well, time catches up. What can you do?
Rachel Flax : Keep moving.
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Rachel Flax : [after another of Charlotte's criticisms] Ooh, we're going to play my favorite game - Who's the worst mother in the world? Ooh, now, don't tell me, let me guess, who could it be? Could it be... ME?
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Rachel Flax : You know, Charlotte, I think you might be old enough for a boyfriend now.
Charlotte Flax : If I'm old enough, maybe you're too old.
Rachel Flax : Don't be ridiculous. A real woman is never too old.
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Rachel Flax : OK, how do I look?
Charlotte Flax : Like a woman about to go forth in sin.
Rachel Flax : Oh, good, exactly the look I was hoping for.
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Rachel Flax : [wearing a mermaid costume] You know, if I were to have had this costume when you guys were little, I would have done my ironing and all your diapers in it.
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Kate Flax : Oklahoma was great. I liked living there.
Rachel Flax : Yeah, I know, and you'll love living here when you get used to it.
Charlotte Flax : Yeah, and when you get used to it, we'll move and everything'll change again.
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Rachel Flax : Charlotte, you drive like old people make love.
Charlotte Flax : Mom, I'm only 15. I get nervous.
Rachel Flax : Driving happens to be one of the two most important skills a woman could have. You should be tickled pink that I taught you early.
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Rachel Flax : [wearing a mermaid costume for the New Year's Eve party] All right, I can tell by my mermaid watch that it's time for me to get in my mermaid car and hit the mermaid road!
Kate Flax : And get the mermaid outta here!
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Kate Flax : Got anything for sharks and jellyfish?
Carrie : What, dear?
Rachel Flax : She means body grease. Miss Kate's going to swim the English Channel one day.
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Rachel Flax : Charlotte, don't aggravate me, all right? You're starting a new school on Monday and those boots aren't.
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[Rachel, Charlotte and Kate enter Lou's shoe store and meet two nuns from the convent]
Charlotte Flax : [narrating] Oh, God, please let Mrs. Flax control herself.
Lou Landsky : You're still a perfect seven, Reverend Mother. You know, most women's feet get bigger.
Rachel Flax : Only if they marry.
Charlotte Flax : [narrating] Oh, no!
Rachel Flax : You know, your feet swell. When you get pregnant, your feet swell.
[Charlotte is mortified]
Charlotte Flax : [narrating] How could she? How could she?
Rachel Flax : I know mine got swollen when I was pregnant.
Charlotte Flax : [whispering] Mother, how could you say that? She's a holy vessel!
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Charlotte Flax , Rachel Flax : [Charlotte angrily confronts her mother after catching her making out with Joe]
Charlotte Flax : You kissed him? You kissed him, how could you do that?
[to Joe]
Charlotte Flax : How could you let her kiss you?
Rachel Flax : Charlotte, for God's sakes, it's just a little New Year's Eve kiss.
Charlotte Flax : But you don't believe in New Year's.
Rachel Flax : [with big grin] I know.