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Reviews
The Last of Us (2023)
Slow burn and writers suck at time
How is it the girls homework is due tomorrow if the uncle says it's Friday and if he doesn't get bailed out tonight he will be in there all weekend. So much for the emphasis on time with the watch and him stating he was going to be back by 9 but was back at 10. Also, why does every "last one of the human race" story need to be in Texas. The exposition is supposed to make me feel for these characters and not sure if it's the writing or the acting but it's just not there. Seems like a lot of this was taken from the Resident evil movies. I guess I can take this one off the list of shows I "need" to watch.
Halloween Ends (2022)
Myers now stealing from other horror villians
First off the writing is absolutely terrible. Nothing in movie makes sense. The timing is off. Let's talk about how the "nurse" working with Allyson got a promotion because she is banging the doctor yet at his place she kept calling him Dr. (Insert last name) if you are literally having an affair with your boss you would call them by their first name. That's just one instance of lazy writing.
Now to the reason for the title - so Michael Myers spends most of the movie in a sewer like he's Pennywise. Then he gets some guy to kill for him like he is Jigsaw from the Saw franchise. Then the writer throws in an "overbearing mother" cliche for Corey like he is set to play the next Jason Voorhees. Add on top of that the zero chemistry or character development.
This movie shouldn't have been made!
Hellraiser (2022)
Walls move better than the actual characters
This movie was dull and lifeless. No character development and shocker twist so obvious you would think M. Knight Shamalan wrote the movie. Pinhead is good but there's not much the character brings to the movie unlike past hellraiser movies. It definitely shied away from the true nature of the grotesque, bleak, over sexualized nature of the entire series. Cenobites were pretty cool but this movie felt flat and just not interesting. 2 hours long but felt like 4. I saw Terrifier 2 which was just as long and yet I was into it the entire time. This one was just like "get to the point already!" Overall I would say no on this one.
The Gray Man (2022)
Story of sisyphus and its a great one
For anyone who is dogging this movie you obviously didn't pay attention to the scene where Claire asks 6 about his tattoo. Or you obviously don't know the story of sisyphus. Read it then get back to the movie and you will see the entire point of this film. It's a really good adaptation of the story. The action scenes were good and the clever quips from both gosling and Evans are fantastic.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
Racking up the air miles
I'm hoping with all the traveling in the first 40 minutes we could use the airline miles to get a better movie. Even the actors are like "wow this is a terrible script." The "convenience" of everything going on and how they just "happen to get the information" is just so terrible. Please STOP making Jurassic Park movies. The nostalgia wore off a long time ago.
Last Night in Soho (2021)
"I see dead people" was done years ago
Kind of ironic the lead actress actually was in an M. Knight movie (old) but I literally said this exact line during the movie. It's overdone and just isn't needed. This could have been good but the expansion of a meaningful story line wasn't there. In true fashion the final act was rushed. There was also too much foreshadowing in the beginning.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Netflix stay out of the horror movie genre
Every single "original" horror movie the company has made has done nothing but rip pieces from iconic horror movies. This one is no different. Between the "angry truck driver" (jeepers creepers) to the moment leather face comes out of the water (jason Voorhees) this movie is just a mix of bad acting, zero continuity, terrible character development. Characters get skewered (butcher knife to the main neck artery bleed profusely then wake up ten minutes later to walk outside) woman gets sawed in the entire midsection yet can still breathe and shoot a gun with near perfect aim. Overall premise was terrible and none of it was worth the 80 minutes. Netflix just STOP!
Shark Night 3D (2011)
Reusing deep blue sea video
Did anyone else notice the opening credits they reused the video from deep blue sea in which the shark comes out of the water. In deep blue sea it is the scene where the one woman is on the latter in the elevator shaft.
Nightmare Alley (2021)
Great movie from GDT
Everyone is talking about the run time on this but honestly that didn't bother me. There is a lot to unpack on this complex movie so the run time is needed. My only gripe is the character development. At one point Stan calls Molly rabbit and yet there was nothing to introduce this. Some of it seemed a little rushed. However the entire movie is fantastic.
Old (2021)
M. Night is Paranoid with everything
The concept itself is actually pretty interesting. But the execution is terrible. A couple of times it is referenced the guy with the knife has these outbursts. But nothing is ever elaborated on. Things are just thrown out there for no reason. Or when they are thrown out there it's so blatant and obvious. The "twist" in pure M. Night fashion is actually mentioned within the first half hour of the movie. Also, why does all of his movies have to be "someone is watching" the dude is like one of those people who believes every little thing is being watched. He probably sits at home with the curtains drawn writing these insane conspiracies in his bunker. Bro give it up. The one saving grace was Abbey Lee. She is just an awesome person. Other than that you really do nothing for the characters. Her calcium deficiency is mentioned once then not brought up again for the rest of the movie until her death. The kids change actors to show evolution over time but not the adults until the very end. And stop trying to be like Tarantino or Stan Lee or Stephen King and appear in every film. The "twist" and the "plot" has been done in the sixth sense, the village and signs.
A Classic Horror Story (2021)
Netflix stop trying to make horror movies
This movie is worse than an M Night Shyamalan flick and that says a lot. Netflix failed at Fear Street and have failed with this one. Just stop making horror movies and put actual good horror films on your catalog.
Cruella (2021)
It's not even cruel
The only cruel thing about this movie is putting people through the 2 hours of a debacle. Why on earth didn't Eva Green or someone with an ACTUAL English accent take the role. This movie is all over the place. What a joke.
American Satan (2017)
So much rock and roll history and great music
I actually really liked this movie. I'm also big into screamo and heavy metal. I raise a question though, the scene where they stand there as Drake Bell is lit on fire, is that an homage to the Rammstein video for Du Hast? In that video they watch a man lit on fire and later are seen walking away as if the deed is done. That song propelled Rammstein much like the scene in the movie was the kickstarter for their career.
It Chapter Two (2019)
Those rating this as bad, obviously didnt read the book
The two part series lives true to the book and the second chapter is no different. It is a fantastic movie.
Love (2015)
A great movie for anyone with an analytical mind
Honestly, this is the first movie I ever watched from this director and I am amazed. I found his name by searching for directors similar to Nicolas Winding Refn.
To get right to it, the opening scene is a little shocking but its cause I'm an american and used to movies not showing that stuff right off the bat. But it wasn't anything to get freaked out or something that would make me walk out of the theater.
Once you get over the fact that it is sex then you start to analyse the scenes. Notice how Electra doesnt seem entirely there in the threesome. He is more into the other girl than her. I took this as a foreshadowing moment which this director did a lot of in the movie. Notice how its always sex with the two of them.
Something that struck me was he always used the phone while standing in a doorway. This is another element to his character. It reveals a lot about their relationship as a hole.
The music score is great and I picked up on the Pink Floyd songs. Another great attempt at foreshadowing.
But, the one thing that really got me was the use of colours. Notice the red green orange and yellow that pops up from time to time. I believe red means pain, orange means love, green is fear and yellow is shy. The scene at the party where he messes around with the girl in the bathroom. Notice how the entire room is red and the bathroom is green. He is afraid at first to mess around with the girl because of Electra. But if you paid attention the scene prior when the two were talking to each other in front of Electra, they were in a red room and you couldn't help but feel the pain from electra as she had to watch him flirt.
The entire movie is really about his narcissism and it plays well. I'd really like a sequel in which its in her point of view. To watch the same scenes over but get her thoughts would really make this come full circle.
The First Purge (2018)
Just an utter embarassment
Everything is foreshadowed right down to the characters actually stating "for now" I kid you not that was an actual line. I could have told you the dude contacted MFFA to get others in to start killing. Its overly predictable. People that supposedly don't believe in violence all of a sudden have weapons and KNOW how to use them. The first one is still the only one I liked. It got you to question what would you do. This series has become trash. Even the tv show is bad. It was a great idea to show how the purge began with a prequel but this is just a terrible movie.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Ugh, what?
Stopped watching a half hour in when chris Pratt who has no ability to move due to a tranq dart can actually outrun lava. By the way, how many times do we need to see the same cliche characters. Kid works for an organization to save dinosaurs but is deathly afraid of them. Way to rip off the first ever movie by having the girl with glasses see the long neck dinosaur as the first one she ever sees. STOP MAKING THESE MOVIES!
The Meg (2018)
To Compare this to Sharknado is an Insult to Sharknado
This was horrible. Movie is all over the place and can't figure out which way to go. Meanwhile they just forget about the blonde the entire movie until she is forced to play cards at the end with the little girl (she's apparently his ex wife) the shark also apparently has selective killing like I have selective hearing. To not eat any person in what is obviously a studio pool and literally pop the bubble is a joke. Page tries acting like LL Cool J when he was in Deep Blue Sea while they try ripping off Samuel L Jackson's character from that same movie by having a "millionaire" come in. All it was missing was Thomas Jane standing in front of the glass as the shark took a bite at the glass and poof you have Deep Blue Sea reloaded. It tries to blow up the shark like jaws (yawn) and then tries to jump scare you like 47 meters down. I was actually waiting for Idris Elba to come out and talk about the breach (Pacific Rim). Also, how is it, the shark instantly picks up on the sound of the doctor splashing yet the next scene she can swim all the way over to the convienent life rafts? Also, lets not give any explanation to the fact that the shark hanging on the boat even got there In the first place. If it wasnt the meg then how is it the same size as meg. In all a terrible movie with horrible acting, worse dialogue in a movie ever, I don't think it even realizes its a shark movie (no gore, one character doesn't even die by the hands of the shark). If you want to watch a horrendous movie watch this.
Inferno (2016)
Why does Ron Howard Continue to Make Movies
Complete joke of a movie. Once again, just like Angels and Demons, Howard thinks he can re write something that was WRITTEN already. Dialogue is forced. I feel like I'm watching a Jason Statham movie, only difference is going into a Statham movie I already know its just going to be action and not the greatest storyline.